Day 3

Didn't get enough sleep last night... which had nothing whatsoever to do with making love to my husband at 3am... well, almost nothing. I couldn't sleep, so I figured, what the heck.

Had to get up and take Josh to school, so while I was up, even though working on 4 hours of sleep, I went for my walk/jog (should I be really honest and write "shuffle"). Because I didn't get enough sleep, I drank more water than usual and had to stop mid-track and have a potty-break. I also ate a full powerbar. Those things are rather nasty.

Anyway. Did the same interval, 6 walk/2 jog... and I'm really trying to actually jog, not shuffle. Time was 36 minutes, so 2 minutes shaved from yesterday.

Food for the day, aside from what was mentioned above, included 2 scrambled eggs with cheese, 2 pieces of bacon, and a slice of sourdough, and a late night helping of stew.

Tomorrow I'm taking off. Friday, I'll try to lose a few more minutes... under 30 might have been a bit too optimistic. A couple of good nights of sleep and a day of rest might do wonders, though. Not holding my breath.

DAY 2

So, today, I took my watch with me to time, and actually did some interval training. Instead of jogging for 6 minutes, walking for 2, I did it the other way around. I really am out of shape, and don't want to kill myself here.

:D

2 miles took 38 minutes.

I resisted the urge to get drive through food afterwards, but I did come home and open a can of Chef Boyardee's Raviolis and a piece of sourdough. Baby steps. For Lunch/Dinner I had a tuna melt. I also had some coffee today and a bunch of apple chips. I need to eat more than 2 meals a day. Hopefully, that will get easier once I no longer have rehearsal every night!

For Christmas we went to a new friend's house for dinner. She is gluten intolerant, so I made an effort to make a whole bunch of gluten free stuff. We did an experiment for Josh (kids on the Autism Spectrum are advised to modify their diet so as to be lactose and gluten free, we've done really well with the lactose free so far) of going for a 24 hour period gluten free. He could tell the difference. Result: we're transitioning into a gluten and lactose free household. Bryan is lactose intolerant, and I am mildly so, and lactose isn't in as much as one would think it is in. Gluten, however, is in many, many, many more things than you would think. Making gluten free ANYTHING is a challenge.

We shop at Sam's Club, though, so I have a lot of gluten products to get through before we start to restock our pantry. In the meantime, I get to eat Ravioli's guilt free... right?

GOAL:

Interval training 2 more days this week. Go 2 miles in under 30 minutes.

Next week, change the intervals to 4/4, and keep it under 30 minutes. I think I might be the only person ever who walks faster than I jog. :D

New Year's Resolution 2010

I just posted cast pictures of the show that I am directing, and of course there is a picture of the cast and crew, which includes me. It is one thing to see yourself in the mirror, because you get used to your face, and don't notice just how ROUND it is getting, when it used to be a nice oval.

So here's the problem, I eat fast food way, way too much, and I don't exercise at all.

I have a two-part resolution. Cook more, and exercise more. If I have food that is made at home, I am less likely to go to a drive through. Hopefully. The exercise part is about the metabolism. I used to have a super fast metabolism, and I still eat like I did then, but my metabolism has slowed down a LOT so I don't look like I did then anymore.

A big reason why people are so successful on Weight Watchers is that they keep track of what they do and eat. That's now my focus.

January 3, 2011

EXERCISE:

Speed Walk... the timer got all screwed up, so I don't know how long.

Distance: 2 miles

FOOD:

Breakfast-

1/2 power bar

2 scrambled eggs w/cheese and tomato

2 slices of bacon

1 slice of sourdough bread

Lunch-

Marie Calendar's Chicken Pot Pie

Dinner-

Pepsi

Starting a Business

At Christmastime of 2008 my husband became one of many people who lost his job. He worked for a California-based commercial construction company that had decided to move him to Texas in June. The market was better in Texas, he was told. It is. However, it is a good-ole-boy network, and difficult to break into. DH is a drywall estimator. He looks at a bid request, estimates how much it will cost to build, including labor, and adds on the contractor's mark-up.

He came out to Texas at the bidding of his former boss. We were hoping for lots of good things. Former employer (we'll call him FE) didn't really do any research on the market here. He didn't have reliable employees, he didn't know the pricing, he didn't know the competition or the contractors he'd be working for. DH had a gas card that stopped working, DH was getting reimbursed slower and slower, and several other clues. So when FE finally admitted that he was out of money, we weren't really all that surprised. Annoyed, but not surprised. DH was operating in the dark, but under complete faith, and FE acted in an incredibly irresponsible manner towards someone he was responsible for.

Be that as it may, DH found another job, doing essentially the same thing, except no responsibility for project management. This is fine with DH, as this is the least favorite part of his job. Only problem is that this new job is a $20K annual pay cut. We've just moved from an apartment into a house and are paying $400 more in rent per month. We can't afford a pay cut. So, DH is filing bankruptcy (many bills left over from the unfortunately recent ex).

He starts working, likes it lots. He's getting paid as an independent contractor while on a trial employment. He and I start talking, and realize that what he does, he could do on a larger production level, selling his estimates (less the contractor markup) to several dry-wall contractors. So, now we're starting our own business. He's estimating, I'm managing paper.

This leads to many, many questions.

Incorporation or Sole Proprietorship?
What to deduct and how?
Business plan?

Do I get to sleep again?

I'm done.

I like to play, but if it goes to far, I get scared and then I get angry. And I'm done.
I like to touch, but if it goes to far, I get scared and then I get angry. And I'm done.
I like to love, but if it goes to far, I get scared and then I get angry. And I'm done.
I like to fight, but if it goes to far, I get scared and then I get angry. And I'm done.
When you're angry, you're done.
I have no where to go from here. How do I respond? I'm not done.
I don't want to be scared.
I don't want to be angry.
I don't want to be done.
I want to play, touch, love, fight, and laugh and love and never be done.
But I'm scared.

And you're done.

step-parenting

I listen to Dr. Laura. I enjoy doing so. I particularly respect her no-holds-barred honesty. She, unlike most of us, has no problem acknowledging that she thinks her opinion is the correct one. Her show is based on her opinion, and if someone calls in to the show he or she is not going to change her mind. They are going to get her opinion. I've collected some fantastic rules for life listening to her: it is more important to protect a child than the good opinion of someone who is abusing a child. Shared custody leaves children homeless: there is mom's house and dad's house, no "my" house. If you have minor kids and you picked the wrong sperm/egg donor and are now single, don't date--the focus is the kids, because that is the choice that was made.

Just rambling on, sorry.

The point is that I love listening to her show... yet I have made some significant choices that she would have advised me against. First, I married a man that I knew less than six months (Dr. Laura would say to wait a year and a half, to make sure that you know the person). Second, I married a man with children, one that is still a minor and that he has full physical custody of (Dr. Laura would say that this is playing with fire since the kids will always come before a spouse in this situation.

Here's where I justify my actions.

When you meet someone who is more than you could hope for in a mate, you don't let that person get away, no matter the circumstances. We have our issues--I am a moody and complicated person, I am going to have issues with anyone I am with intimately. My DH is a great father and husband and an incredibly generous human being. He isn't perfect, which is the only reason I can put up with him.

Begin as you mean to go on.

I told him this when we first started dating. He took it to heart. I wanted to do as much pre-marital counseling as possible and he was unsure that it was necessary, but went along. He realized how necessary it was during the process. We began our marriage in an open and communicative way, and it has stayed that way, with consistent work. We formed habits in our dating that have held true for the 3 months that we've been married, because we work on them. We work on ourselves and our marriage and if we go on as we began we should have a very, very good life together.

So, step-parenting.

I had a collection of horror stories, not the least of which my own as a step-child. I think being a successful step-parent depends fully--FULLY--on the actual parent. My DH understands the wonderful paradox that kids can only be raised properly if his wife comes before his kids. This assumes, of course, that I place a high priority on the care and feeding of said child or children. I'm homeschooling a twelve-year-old that I've known for less than a year... I'd say he's a high priority.

I'm realizing that with my son's social issues and massive dependence on his dad and me (his mom just up and decided to move several states away 'bout two years ago, not to mention an upbringing that included very little interaction with people outside of school) came his compliance. I have been working very hard on getting the boy to do for himself--his dad cuts his meat for him at nearly 13!--and he is starting to become a little bit more independent. So, I am starting to realize that his dependence was in direct proportion to his compliance. He is becoming fit to take in public (watching him eat was nauseating) but now he argues about it.

I should back up.

Before his mother left, my son had never been to the snow (lived an hour away from the mountains), never been to the zoo, never been to an amusement park, a waterslide... His dad had taken him hunting, and I guess they went camping. I haven't asked. She made him dinner (chicken nuggets, reheated, or hamburger) separate from everyone else. The boy ate, and still does occasionally, with two hands, touching as much of the food as possible, tearing it into small pieces (regardless of what it is) and shoved it in his mouth with at least two fingers going into his mouth as far as the second knuckle, keeping it in his cheek like a chipmunk until his mouth was so full he'd have to spit it on the plate because he couldn't swallow. My DH found this amusing. BOYS!

So, just under three months in: he cleans his own bathroom (never done it before), he vacuums and polishes the furniture (never done it before) once a week, takes out the garbage (without being asked, usually), eats with his mouth closed (mostly) and uses utensils. I guess a little back talking isn't too bad.

Part of my problem with him is that I was such an independent child, and I did not create his dependency so I have very little tolerance for his need for constant affirmation. We're learning, though.

I've never...

...been consistent in keeping a journal, being online doesn't change anything--except that now other people can read it and see just how inconsistent I am. What, really is the point of taking one's private thoughts and publishing them for the world to read? I mean, wasn't that the origin of blogs? "Online journaling." A chance to be clever and throw out my $.02 worth?